Date: 23 Jul 2008 5:32 Title: Chamber of Secrets
A good solid opening chapter. I look forward to seeing how this story develops.
When you say showing interest, do you talk of the amout hits the story gets or the amount of reviews? You may find that although you have the potential for a good story, that your end note could put people off from reviewing.
Author's Response: No, that isn't how I'm going to judge it. It's going to be based on the translation of hits from the first chapter to the second. I guess you'd call my "day job" writing, and I currently have nine orignal novels in various stages of development, so if there isn't interest in this story, I won't finish it. I apologize if you or anyone else took offense at the statement as none was intended.
Date: 23 Jul 2008 2:47 Title: Chamber of Secrets
I have to say that i'm confused, there are some changes from canon, like harry waking up in th hospital wing, which wasn't a scene at the end of CoS canon. Also you don't make any reference to what you mean by the title/summary of your story.
It would make a lot of difference if you could expand further your theories on how you want this story to go, either in the next chapter or a rewrite of this one.
Also your references to Snape hearing ron's thoughts contradicts all fanfic and canon sources on how legilimency works, in that it is not mind-reading/telepathy at least according to http://www.hp-lexicon.org/magic/legilimency.html. Maybe you are going a different direction or trying to be original.
IMHO, the premise for this story is currently weak but not overly so, but it could definitly use some improvement.
P.S. I hope that you don't take this review as a flame, I was just hoping to provide some constructive criticism.
There are some changes. You wouldn't want me to simply write the same thing over again, would you? I'd think that would get rather boring after reading about the fifth person's account.
Chapters 2-5 or 6 (depending on which version I decide I like better) will be, by and large, review of the events significant to the telling of this story and the account of things that didn't go the same as in the book. Because the first chapter was set at the end of the year, it is much shorter than the next few chapters will be (fair warning). However, I do like that length, so once I get past the "reminder" chapters, I'll probably slip back to that.
As for leglimency, I'm familiar with how it works in other stories. I'll probably get around to explaining the way it works in my version about chapter 4. There's a reason it works the way I have it work. You might also have noticed that the way memories work is a bit diferent, too. This will also be explained at a later time, for those who continue reading.
Date: 23 Jul 2008 1:56 Title: Chamber of Secrets
Great start to the story mate, I think I can see Hermione and Ginny in Harry's harem. :D
What the hell how did Ron and Snape heard each others thoughts?
I like that Dumbledore showed Snape Harry's childhood, that should change his ways about Harry.
The ass Dumbledore still is going to send Harry back to the bastards of his so called aunt and uncle's, even when Snape of all people said he would take him in.
Who is going to beashed?? I'm going to guess Dumbledore.
This is not like any harem story I've read, and I wouldn't call it a harem, but a multi-pairing. I think my meaning will be more clear by the time Harry is *of age*. That said, Hermione and Ginny are obvious choices for pairing with him, but we'll see how it goes. At this point he's almost 13, so a lot can happen between then and adulthood.
Snape is a powerful wizard, and from canon, he was a leglimens. I took liberties with the power because I thought that effect could be cool.
Dumbledore is who he is and Snape will *probably* accede to Dumbledore's wishes, but that doesn't mean that situations won't change.
Thank you for your interest in my story. Hope I don't disappoint!
Date: 22 Jul 2008 20:42 Title: Chamber of Secrets
As long as there are changes from canon i'll read it. I'm tired of rewrites! ;)
Author's Response: There are going to be significant changes. For the first 2-3 chapters the changes will be subtle. Beyond that, they'll start to be more obvious.